I should have done several things yesterday, but I didn’t. I stuck to the things that took little energy…catching up on some work I brought home, spending time with the girl child and spinning.
I finished spinning up some Faux Cashmere I bought from the Hello Purl booth at Wisconsin Sheep and Wool this last fall.
Let’s face it, how many of us are able to say that we have balance in our lives these days?
Maybe it’s the season of life I am in..working mother, teenage daughter, young son, starting over in a new career path in a stressful job.
Maybe it’s because I can’t say no to possibilities of excitement and helping others.
Maybe it’s because I’m not good at delegating.
Maybe it’s because I cannot shut my mind off.
Maybe because I’m an artistic creative person, and we are not built for normalcy and balance.
Whatever the reason, balance is not even in the same zip code as me these days.
Daily I struggle with so much stuff that needs to get done. I try to keep the balls all up in the air, and sometimes I even convince myself that they are, but there are always some I’m kicking around with my feet. Who can relate?
So, what can we do about this?
Probably the first step is to look around and get rid of the excess. Too much stuff? Get it out. Make it less. Too much time on the ‘net? Cut back. Reasonably, how long do we need to spend playing pointless games on facebook? 30 minutes is probably a nice healthy break in the day. 2 or 3 or more hours is probably a bit much on a daily basis. Too many activities? Perhaps some can be dropped. You get the picture.
It’s a constant assessment that we should make daily. What is out of balance today, and what will I do about it now? Remind yourself it doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to get the whole project done, you don’t have to bust the habit immediately. You DO have to work at making a conscious effort to change it. At the end of the day, as long as you have a bit more balance than you did at the beginning, you can call it a success.
I’m guilty of not making this assessment on a daily basis, or a weekly basis, or any regular basis if we’re honest. I spend most of my time on extreme opposite ends of the spectrum. On one end I can be busy as a bee, working hard, giving 300% and dancing the great ballet of life. On the other end, I’m sitting on the couch for an entire evening or 3 after hard days at work. getting frustrated, or being let down by others – essentially letting my brain curl up in a corner and suck it’s thumb in the dark.
So, what’s a girl to do? Let the past be the past, don’t worry too much about tomorrow, and just do what I can do today to restore some balance.
I owe it to myself, and it’s my responsibility to teach it to my children.
So, I had to have teeth removed today. A wisdom tooth and one that was essentially hollow except painful roots from the wisdom tooth slowly destroying it.
Here is a summary of how it went. This was originally a post for a Ravelry Forum group called LSG (Lazy, Stupid, and Godless) to share how their advice worked for me. I will warn you now, there is VERY strong language in here that you will not often hear me use (except my coworkers, lol, I swear more with you than anyone out of love!)
“dentist + bad experience + drugs = colorful language to say the least”.
I thought of editing it out, but honestly, those words exist in our language for a reason. Sometimes they are the only thing that can convey your true feelings, and I want you to know my true feelings. You’ve been warned, and I hope you still respect me in the morning.
Last time I had a tooth pulled (372 days ago), I cried like a baby when I got out to my car and declared it worse than unmedicated natural childbirth I went through twice, but not as bad as a gallbladder attack. This time I figured I would follow the sage advice of LSG, as was given in a previous thread about laughing gas and the dentist. I would pay 70 bucks for the laughing gas and let it take me away.
Let me tell you about that little roller coaster…
The assistant started out by giving me the rundown on the gas. What it would feel like and to tell her if I thought it was too much, etc. I decided that no amount would be too much because, hello?! I was gonna float away on that stuff if it was the last thing I did!
And so we started.
After a few deep breaths I began feeling the effects of the Nitrous Oxide. After a few minutes I was warm and floaty, and very, very happy. I loved you LSG.
Then the dentist came in, said a few things I didn’t really comprehend as he was talking to me from space and shot me up with Novocaine. It was then I became uncertain of this whole “fly like a kite” idea. Suddenly I wasn’t happy. I was not just floating now, I was flailing in space. That HURT! I took more deep breaths through my nose. I began to feel nervous and paranoid. I focused on the ceiling tiles to stay grounded. I breathed through my mouth thinking maybe I was getting too much gas (and had obviously not thought of voicing these things to the assistant – I was sure she was going to laugh at me). That didn’t help. I was beginning to doubt you LSG.
But I held strong. What would LSG do? LSG would chill the hell out, breath in that gas, and float away without a care in the world. LSG would ride the rainbow kitten and have a good time. So that is what I did. I let go of my control. I breathed, and flew, and I rode that rainbow kitten through the starry sky.
And then he came back.
He asked me something, I didn’t much care what he said so I just said, “yep”. And then he wedged my mouth open, said some more stuff I didn’t care about, and he started pulling out the wisdom tooth.
Suddenly my kitten was grey and I was no longer enjoying this ride. My kitten howled and scratched me and threw me off our ride through the sky. My head felt like it wasn’t mine and I freaked out at what I was and wasn’t feeling. I couldn’t identify it. I didn’t know what the hell was happening to my face. I squirmed and made more noise in that chair than I had ever done. I did not like this one bit. “FUCK YOU and your happy gas, LSG!”I thought as I dug my fingers into the arms of the chair. And then the wisdom tooth was out.
I started to breath again and decided that I just stopped breathing through my nose and that was the problem. I took some more really big breaths through my nose and my kitten came back. Yay. Kittens = good!
And then he went back in for the other tooth, which nearly immediately broke into pieces.
Suddenly there was a feeling I did not like in my mouth. I did not like it one bit. In fact, I hated it. 4 times this happened. Every time the dentist stopped and asked me if it was pressure or a sharp pain. The first 2 times I said pressure, even though I wasn’t sure. I said to myself, “LSG, you are a bunch of liars. This shit sucks. My kitten isn’t even rainbow colored and now it’s loosing it’s mother fucking fur.”
The third time I said I didn’t know what kind of pain it was, that it hurt here and there, but I didn’t know what kind of pain it was and I was just being a horrible patient, and I started to cry. In my head, “God Damn You for TRICKING ME LSG!! Drugs are NOT fun or cool!” I just wanted to get it over with so I told him to continue.
The 4th time my hand flew up into the air signalling “SHARP PAIN OMGSTOPNOWFORTHELOVEOFHAIRLESSANDSADKITTENS!” at the exact same time my grey kitten turned into a motherfucking people eating, fire breathing, poison dart shooting, dragon and I nearly jumped out of that chair. “FUCK ALL OF YOU LSG! FUCK YOU ALL FOR TELLING ME THIS WOULD WORK AND MAKE ME HAPPY!!!! I nearly got KILLED by a dragon. I am NOT riding a rainbow kitten . FUCK YOU ALL, BOBDAMNIT!! I fucking HATE YOU, LSG!”
The dentist reassured me and gave me more Novocaine and let me sit a while with the happy gas.
Slowly the hell around me settled down. It went from black and fiery to blue and happy. Oh look, there is the kitten. He’s furry and sparkly rainbow again. “Come here kitten, let me ride you!!” and then “Whee!!!!” “I’m riding the rainbow kitten” and in another minute, “Yeee Haw LSG Bitches, WE ARE ALL RIDING FLYING, SPARKLY, RAINBOW kittens together. This is the best thing ever!! I FUCKING LOVE YOU LSG!!”
And then the dentist came back in.
Very soon WE ALL FELL OFF THE KITTENS as he chiseled and drilled out various pieces of my tooth. I felt like he was putting my jaw through the back of my head and standing on top of me while he did it with an elephant on his back. While my kitten never turned back into a dragon, he was sad and grey and was loosing patches of fur as we tumbled from the pretty blue sky down into the dark fiery hell. Fortunately, just before I was about to tell you all “LSG, I’M NEVER GOING TO BE YOUR FRIEND AGAIN!!!! EVER!!! Getting a tooth pulled has NEVER EVER EVER been this bad before, YOU ARE ALL DIRTY LIARS WHO HATE ME!!” it was over.
So, that didn’t go over so well for me…. I imagine if I were to ever smoke pot, I would be the paranoid one in the corner. I
I have 4 more wisdom teeth, and 1 more regular tooth that is broken off at the gum line to get taken out. I’ll do it without the gas, just like I’ve done the others. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t numb all the way, but I just didn’t care enough to notice at first, and then I couldn’t form a rational thought and it freaked me out. I obviously don’t react well to the stuff.
Wish me well, I’m allergic to Codine, so all they can give me is Ibuprofrin and it’s not doing it’s job so well. Also my tongue hurts because the assistant kept resting that suckythingy on it like you put your hand over the vacuum cleaner hose. I think I may develop a suction wand hickey on my tongue.
So, in looking back at 2012, I wasn’t sure what to think of it.
At first I looked at it as “The Year I Gave Up”. I spent so much time this year not feeling well, not being myself, not knowing which direction I was supposed to be going, not knowing if I was crazy or sane, or even if I was doing anything right. I was in such a fog for at least 4 months I barely remember my summer or the first 6 weeks of the school year. There were so many times I found myself being “that parent” – you know, the one who hasn’t a clue and hasn’t really connected with their kid’s life enough. Assignments were missing, notes unread, questions unasked, moments unshared.
And there are other factors that I have no control over, that I am just not sure what to do with, that I want to change, but have no way of making it so. I’ve been lost, at wits end, overwhelmed, and unable to get it together this year. I spent a lot of time feeling like my brain was like a guy trying to operate a big machine that just wouldn’t respond – it’s thinking and talking, but nothing was happening. The machine just wouldn’t move. All I was doing was existing. Even the world around me seemed dull and distant. I often see the world as a series of bright, vivid, loud events and full of amazing beauty and tragedy all together; but this last year, the world was dull, grey, and utterly unexciting. I was really looking back and wondering what the hell I DID do right.
So, I slept on it before declaring it a total loss.
The next day I had a better perspective. Yes, all those things did happen, but I didn’t give up. While I spent a lot of time feeling horrible, zoned out, or unable to make myself do anything, I did not actually give up. I got up every day, I met most of my commitments, and I always kept putting one foot in front of the other doing the best I could with what I had to give. Sometimes, I guess, that is all we can do.
I also realized some of the things I DID do.
360 days ago I made a major life change. I gave my troubles up to the universe. I put “I need a full time job!” as my Facebook status and let the world know what I needed. Less than an hour later I had a lead on a job from a friend. I very uncharacteristically sent an email to the hire ups stating I heard that was an opening and asking to be considered for said job, even though I really wasn’t sure what exactly it was. By 3pm I had an interview set up in 2 days. I was hired 2 days later and started the day after that. That job has been the best job ever, and at the same time, often the suckiest job ever. However, I wouldn’t trade it for another! So, I did that!
I also did all these things:
I helped put on a camporee for nearly 100 young Girl Scouts.
I watched as girls I once taught new skills passed their knowledge on to younger girls.
I helped spread the word against bullying, and intend to do it more.
I went on a family vacation to Disney that was magical.
I saw friends I never get to see, who know me to the soul.
I encouraged young minds to do the right things, to make good choices and better their lives, and some of them actually did.
I continued to stand by people who need me, even if they don’t see me standing by them.
I began eating better and working out more (minus the last few weeks…. shhhhh)
I marveled at how much my daughter seemed to grow while she was away at camp, wondering what they did to her because she suddenly liked granola and beef jerky and looked 2 inches taller.
I saw my son and husband off to Boy Scout camp for what my son described as the “best weekend of my life”
I adopted a Chinchilla.
I took girls to explore new places.
I encouraged youth to set goals and helped them try to reach them.
I aided friends in need.
I stood up for myself and made people listen to me when I needed to be heard.
I practiced letting go and letting God.
I didn’t give up, even when I wanted to.
So, no, 2012 was not “The Year I Gave Up”!
2012 was “The Year I Persevered!”
Here’s looking to 2013!
I know… you’re as sick as me of politics…but please read on.
Today I am thankful for the women who came before me in this country and stood up for women’s right to vote. At one point in history some person would have been able to tell me that I am incapable of making a political decision and had no right to voice my opinion about how the country I live in was run.
At one point in history, less than 100 years ago infact, I would have been considered less of a person simply because I am a female. Your mother would have been considered less of a person. Your sister, your aunt, your grandmother, your daughter…..all less of a person because they are female.
I have no words for how incredibly stupid that sounds to me today.
And it wasn’t pretty, people. Women didn’t just stand up and say “Hey! Let us vote!” and the rest of the country went, “Sure!” No, it was not pretty at all. It took over 40 years on constant speaking out and standing up before women were allowed to vote! 40 years!! 40 years of slander, name calling, assault, injury, and I’m sure, plenty of lectures for them to just “stay in your place”.
Can you imagine assaulting a woman just because she dared to be loud enough to publicly proclaim that women deserve the right to vote?
From Time Magazine’s Website, a caption of a picture of the Suffrage Movement reads as this:
One of the largest protests of the suffrage movement happened the day before Woodrow Wilson was to be inaugurated as President in 1913. Between 5,000 to 8,000 suffragists marched down Pennsylvania Avenue, past the White House — and hundreds of thousands of onlookers. Organizers Alice Paul and Lucy Burns had secured a permit to march, however, many protesters were assaulted by those in the crowd who opposed the women’s right-to-vote campaign. Attacks ranged from spitting and throwing of objects to all-out physical assaults. While many women were injured, public outrage at the violence translated to wider support for the suffrage movement.
Write in Daffy Duck for all I care, just GO DO IT!
Nothing would break my heart more than if my candidate looses and the voter turnout is crappy. Imagine all the voices that could have been heard, that could have made a difference.
What would have happened if those women decided their vote really didn’t matter?
So, lots of folks are posting things they are grateful for on Facebook. At first I shunned the idea simply because everyone else is doing it. Silly me…always trying to very silently “rebel” against the masses.
I decided to do it on my blog instead. It needs some love and I’m not sure I will always want to keep it under 240 characters (or whatever the magic number really is).
So, today I am grateful that the sun always rises after a dark cold night. A sign that darkness does not last forever and that every morning is a new, beautiful start. (And for someone like me who is NOT a morning person, a sunrise can be a small reward for having to be awake. )
Every day is a new chance. Take it and run.
Have you seen mine? Did I leave it on the counter at work? Perhaps it wandered off and is roaming the streets looking for a good book?
If you see it, please keep it safe and give me a call. I’ll come pick it up, if I’m not busy melting stuff.
Ever had a night like this?
I was having a rather productive evening (well, more productive than I’ve had in a long time, I’ve not been feeling well), and I was fluttering about, making dinner(s) when I noticed my brain wasn’t between my ears.
It started with the mac ‘n’ cheese. I put water in a pot, put it on the stove, turned on the burner, and then dumped in the pasta. Suddenly, it occurred to me I didn’t remember how to cook pasta. Then, I looked at my daughter with a puzzled look – as if she knew the answer to what I was debating asking her. “How does one cook pasta?” I was at a loss if I should have waited to put the noodles in until it boiled, or if I cook them until the water boiled. Within a minute I was reasonably sure that I should have waited until the water boiled, but it was too late. The good news is, it cooked up just fine anyway.
When the noodles were soft, I strained them just like always. I set the pot down on the counter, and I put the plastic strainer full of noodles on the (still on) burner to add the cheese. The sound of water dancing on the stovetop in a boil alerted me to my mistake. I quickly took the strainer off the burner and put the pan in it’s place.
After mixing in the cheese I decided to clean the burnt plastic off the burner. Surely it was beginning to stank like burnt plastic, but I couldn’t smell it, because my olefactories have been on strike for years. So, I grabbed my pan scraper from Pampered Chef and went to town. The plastic came right up, or it appeared to, and all that was left was a wet spot…but wait, I didn’t use water. One confused glance at my now melted PLASTIC pan scraper cleared it all up, and I rolled my eyes. I didn’t clean anything up, I just melted MORE plastic on the burner (we have a glass top stove). Bravo!!!
After dinner, I was getting ready to go to Stitch Night at my local LYS. I went into the bathroom to put lotion on my hands. I checked out my hair in the mirror and then I proceeded to spray hairspray into my hands with the can I had just picked up. Hairspray does not equal lotion. With a shake of my head I washed off my hands and applied the proper product.
I determined I should generally stay away from anything that could injure anyone at this point. Except the van of course! I had places to go!
Very carefully, I kissed my family goodbye and went out in preparation to drive a large heavy moving object down a narrow path at high speeds – sounds perfectly safe to me! And then I realized, I was wearing my slippers still.
I snuck back in the house to put on real shoes and take a quick look around for my brain before leaving for the night.
Fortunately, there were no more incidence of brain failure, unless you want to count some of the word combinations I heard come out of my mouth… I wish I could remember a few of them to share – they were real doozies. (Last week I came up with “un-to-scale” when I was explaining my map I just drew was “not to scale”)
So, if you could, keep an eye out for my runaway brain. The safety of others depends on it!